To take into account the opinions of other people is one thing. Being addicted to the opinions of other people is a disease.
You’re trying to do something in your life, which deserves good opinion from people around you – maybe it sounds noble, but if it’s an unconscious process, it can cause dissatisfaction, anger, and hatred. In other words, the stupidity that ruins your everyday life.
Addiction – is the acquired state of mental and physical health disorder characterized by periodic or permanent compulsion to perform a specific activity (…). Modern psychology treats the concept of „addiction” extensively and assumes that it may also include other activities over which the person lost control (…). Source: Wikipedia
I use the word „disease” to describe a state that I called the state of imbalance, the lack of inner peace in the perception of „what is happening”. This imbalance is caused by excessive, uncontrolled, often unconscious, following thoughts in the form of beliefs. These beliefs are not subject to conscious observation.
Only observing thoughts about the life situation gives us the opportunity to change them. It also gives us the opportunity to do the right thing. It gives us a choice.
Unless you still think, like my great-grandfather, that the phone is a „devil”, and you will not use it.
This is at least a conscious agree to the use of beliefs from 100 years ago in the context of the telephone.
Addiction to other people’s opinions comes to light, among other things, through dissatisfaction with what you do on a daily basis (where and with whom you work, how you rest, what your partner and family relationships are).
You are simply unhappy with what is. This dissatisfaction is manifested through complaints.
Now a short explanation: this way of addressing you sounds like I would be an expert ( which there are many), I am not an expert nor a psychologist or any guru.
All topics that I briefly describe concern my experience and seeing the world.
The only reason I use this form and not another is by avoiding a form that sounds like a diary or autobiography.
Back to the topic
addiction – dissatisfaction – complaints
Addiction (permanent or periodic coercion): I have to, I must do that, I do not want but I must, etc., give rise to dissatisfaction mainly due to a sense of lack of control, in other words „I act against my will”
– and at the end of this scheme, the external symptom of dissatisfaction is: complaining (the purpose of complaining is invalid: weather, politics, religion, own appearance or un-fixed soup, the reason may be literally everything).
Becoming aware of this mechanism is more than knowledge about it.
The knowledge is not enough.
Many years ago, in school times, I came across stoicism (a popular philosophy in the Roman Empire – this time I will not quote Wikipedia). I began to read Marcus Aurelius, then Buddhism and the philosophy of ZEN, Yoga – knowledge, knowledge, knowledge. I’ve learned more about judging people, and so what?
I’ve been more aware of my mistakes but I did not do my homework with practical behaviors.
I had knowledge but I could not apply it in my life.
I lived a life that was to please everyone, I lived a life that was to deserve a good reputation in the eyes of others.
Of course, it did not work, many problems came up but this is a different topic.
Why did not I use knowledge? I do not know and I’m not going to play a psychotherapist now, or immerse myself in childhood in search of the causes of addiction, wanting to find a guilty. On the contrary:
If you do not want to be a victim of your difficult past – take responsibility for yourself for what is now, let the past „rest in peace”.
Let that will be the zero point.
Becoming aware of the fact that certain activities in everyday life, you do because you want to „do well” in the eyes of other people
allows you to change your attitude to this action, and this, in turn, may affect further changes, if necessary.
Start by realizing your dissatisfaction. You can find them in many everyday situations, Be sure: this is dissatisfaction and …. do not do anything about it, just be aware of it. Practice with patience and observe changes.
This is self-observation that I have talked about many times. You can learn it and it is very practical.
If you encounter difficulties in noticing your dissatisfaction, remember that will help you very popular – complaints.
If you are annoyed by many situations, even details like paper lying on the street – stop focusing on these objects of complaining.
In the practice of conscious observation, the objects of complaining, these papers on the street, are not important
You’re driving a car, at some point, another car overtakes you, – you respond to it with a comment:
– „How does he drive, stupid”?
And in this situation, we assume, you are super conscious
You use this protest as a sign, and
You leave the driver alone.
You realize that you are pissed off. And that’s it. Well done.
Noticing, observing your dissatisfaction is completely different to being dissatisfied. This is the basic difference in the perception of what is.
In my opinion, this is the secret of calm people, despite the great confusion around them. By the way, this is not secrets now.
Complaining is a symptom of your unconscious discontent.
In most cases, not related to the object of complaining:
If you stop only at the object of complaining, you fall into a torrent of thought, it is a trap.
Here is an example of such folly:
I was pissed off by this idiot who is ahead of me, there are so many idiots, where is the police? They could do something about it, fools, but they sit and eat donuts.
How to live here, I can not even count on the police.
Taxes. My money. I work very hard and what I have, the holidays once a year …
Now you know that:
If you continue in the same style of monologues and often repeated them, you will reach the point where life itself will be meaningless, why live in such a hopeless life.
Therefore, the awareness of what you feel, what thoughts are going through your head is so important and very practical.
In other words, complaining indicates dissatisfaction
and dissatisfaction has its source somewhere deeper, but now we do not care.
Our goal is to become aware of the feelings of dissatisfaction HERE and NOW, our goal is to observe this emotion.
Discontent under observation loses its power of influence.
The practice of self-observation is the way to a state of balance,
the state of inner peace.
From this place, our perception of what is played is much more effective.
But do not just take my word for it, just experience it yourself.
Only in this state, inner peace,
we can realize the purposefulness of our activities.
Maybe we’ll even find out that the millions I have to earn are not for me but to show my parents or friends that I can do it, „I’ll show them then …”
that this diet, sport, yoga, cars are not for me, only to meet the expectations of my environment, trend, fashion.
And now an important note:
It’s just your imagination that others are waiting for you to show them your resourcefulness. It is a great illusion. They take care of themselves and not you.
But you want to live well in their eyes – it’s very interesting.
You want to have as many fans on Facebook, but you are afraid of showing what you really think you have advantages and disadvantages, because: What will friends say?
Finally: complaining indicates dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction indicate doing what you really do not want.
This internal conflict is manageable.
It’s time to start living your own life – what I wish you and myself too.