Disturbing „ego”


    I believe that one of the most interesting experiences that everyday life allows us is to discovering and unmasking our own ego. Ego – composed of beliefs on its own subject – thought creature.

    Here is the story for today:

It’s interesting. Finally, often after many years, you can do something only for the sake of doing it – totally unselfishly towards others people, but above all selflessly to yourself).

You experience this by discovering in the circumstances of everyday life a place where you feel freedom, total freedom of action. And suddenly, as if out of nowhere, the so-called „voice of reason” appears. This voice whispering to you, somewhere in the back of your head, somewhere from the backseat:

– What will I get out of it? What this will give me? 

You begin to feel doubt, anger (due to unconscious lack of control) towards emerging thoughts. I want to emphasize this: anger toward emerging thoughts. Moments after that, you start to feel, this well-known for many years, cramps around the stomach or chest. Your Joy is obscured by emotions and often a stream of thoughts that take away from you the will to do what you really want…

In this short story, the so-called negative hero is the „voice of reason”.Ego is easy to recognize: the ego exposes the words „I”, „me”, „mine”- all grammatical variations of these words. Ego is a mental construct, it is not a separate entity, we use the ego every day. Ego is built up from childhood by the views and opinions, and its function is survival, at all costs. 

The ego plays life roles: a child, a mother, a father, a businessman, a student, a friend, the list of roles is infinite. There are specific and expressive roles but there are also the ego’s roles difficult to recognize.”I am great”, „I’m stupid”, „I do not make mistakes”, „I’m the best”, „nobody offends me”, „my money”, „I do not have talent”, „everyone laughs at me”.

Every thought concept pinned to „I”, „me”, „mine”.These are the roles the ego will defend. It will defend at the expense of other people, at the expense of the world, and above all at the expense of your own breadwinner, a host, that is at the expense of the real you. However it sounds: 

You are the consciousness of all this.

But back to history.

Maybe from childhood, the mind encodes the type of questions: So what you will get out of it? Whether it will be beneficial for you? How much of this you will earn?

It does not matter where such thoughts come from: parents, siblings, colleagues, friends, TV, cartoons, movies, games, books and so on.

When a man grows up, the conscious mind will treat these pieces of information as a clue and put in the right, relevant life contexts. The less conscious mind identifies with these pieces of information creating the personality of the ego, will take the role of „What this will give me?”, transferring the importance of its role from a purely business context to the context of everyday life.

Created unconsciously egoist wanting to play your role, wanting to defend your role, he will do anything to „have something” in every situation in life. He will use people from the immediate surroundings, even the family.

Self-interest is the main feature of this ego, this identity. His main interest is existence. It seems that selflessness exists only without an EGO (?). You can think about it, but that’s another topic.

In relations with people and the world, we use the ego, we use a whole range of roles to facilitate communication and information exchange. The ego has utility functions and is useful …on one condition:

We are aware of the ego, we know it’s just a role, THOUGHT, LABEL.

Now. Finally, you do what you always wanted to do. Maybe you do not have too much time for it during the day, which is already filled with duties, maybe you do it late in the evening or early morning. Maybe it’s only an hour but you finally do that step that brings you closer to the next one.

When in such moments you hear this familiar „voice” (it is not the voice of a husband, wife, mother or grandfather), it is your voice addressing you: „Why do I do all this, will I have something of it”. Realize that it’s a recorded, maybe a very long time ago, soundtrack that you have played repeatedly, unaware of the consequences of what it causes. 

Imagine a child in the sandbox. The child just playing and scatter sand everywhere. At some point, he hears the voice of a guardian, a parent

-Do not do that. How can you do this? You have dirty hands, we will not go to the confectionery and you will not get a cake.

The child has no idea what is going on and asks:


Because they do not let dirty children into the cake shop.

Says the parent. Of course, this is only a guess but it is certain that in childhood we have participated in many similar situations. Well, realize that NOW you can get your hands dirty because you are an independent, free man, not a child. You go to the confectionery voluntarily and no one has to guide you. Anyway, no matter what example I use here – demons of the past in relation to doing something new, from scratch, they have to stay in the past. You start from NOW, from now: you taste, try. It’s your new experience. The past is dead. Awareness of how it is NOW is important, you can learn from this experience, and not from the past, which until now has not allowed you to do what you want and always wanted.

„Realize, be aware” – this, of course, sounds simple and do not think that I will say now that this is a long difficult process … I will say it differently. This is the entrance to the new path of everyday life that you follow. It’s like jumping into a train that you did not have a chance to use before.
And no matter how old you are and what circumstances surround you.
You start to pay attention to your own thoughts, you are watching them.
You do not draw any conclusions, you do not judge. My own experience has shown me that judging others and myself was an interesting job for my „smart ego”, though it was an escape from the fear of imaginary being a fool – Anyway, I’m not a psychologist to choose the right words here.

I started to learn from paying attention to the breath, then thoughts, feelings, and emotions. It does not matter when I started, because it is a process (I’m still on this train). By practicing self-awareness, or rather, what you considered yourself, you will quickly realize, that the majority of beliefs, and above all the behaviors that have been cultivated so far, have been lost, under the care of an egoist who always had something of this.

What was true turns out to be an illusion: „Sense of peace” – after the increasingly „harder” enduring responsibilities associated with the action that you do not want to do for many years.”Pretending satisfaction” – which is getting harder and harder, because how long you can pretend.”To be comforted because others have worse”, „Seeking sense in gathering items”, „Feeling of strength”, „The desire to arouse admiration”. There is more, and all this is the role of EGO, which always has something of it.

The EGO has only itself. Thoughts, about being somebody.

Even better news for the end. You’re not fighting EGO! This is important, that’s why I repeat it. Just think how you can fight your own thoughts? By opposing others thoughts to them? The more you try to get rid of the EGO, the more you give him power. Such a fight can go like this:

You do what you like and you think.
-But what will I get out of it? What will I benefit from this?
This thought provokes a reaction of the body, you feel dissatisfaction. You are taking up a dialogue. As if two people were talking to each other.

-It’s not important, I have to do something for myself!

You want to shake off. Give yourself courage and gain confidence.

-Yeah. And how will it not work out? How will it turn out to be a wasted time?
The so-called „wasted time” is one of the basic excuses. One part of you wants to act, and the other part of you wants to prevent it.

– Maybe someone would help but no, everyone is against me …!

And so an explosion of excuses is created, which has no end (children who are disturbing, a family that does not support, friends who laugh at me, etc.).This is an example of a fight – internal dialogue, talking to oneself. One of the roles of EGO turns into a different role. The role of the complaining „I” fights with another role that you can name as you want … The internal dialogue is always the exchange of sentences between the roles of the ego. This, of course, does not make any sense. This is not common sense. If you feel the need to consider all pros and cons of a new situation, do it.

For example, write down all the benefits and risks of a new project on a piece of paper. Imagine even the worst scenarios. Then think about profit and loss. Evaluate the risk and make the decision. But write down all of this so that you can be aware of what you think. Do not do it in your mind because a torrent of thought will draw you into the game.

So when you notice this voice, the thoughts – you do NOT do anything with them, you are aware that it is this „old game” BUT now it is under observation.

Now you are not identified with the EGO, now you look at him and you do nothing but, for example, just breathing. You do not get caught up in this mental flow of words, you do not enter the next role …Silence follows and it is from this Silence or through this silence that you have the opportunity to act more properly. If these old roles appear again, you use the same method:

You are here and now, you are breathing and you are aware of what is happening. 

Going back to the beginning of this story. Finally, often after many years, you can do something only for the sake doing it – totally unselfishly towards others people, but above all selflessly to yourself. You experience this by discovering, in the circumstances of everyday life, the place where you feel freedom, total freedom of action. And suddenly, as if out of nowhere, the so-called „voice of reason” will appear. That voice whispering to you, somewhere in the back of your head, somewhere from the backseat:
– What will I get out of it? What this will give me?
You will notice it, you will observe, you may even smile, and this voice will melt like a morning mist …

Good luck in practicing self-awareness.
Thank you for your attention, please let me know what you think about it and until next time!
Paweł Kosinski



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